It's only been about an hour but Monday already sucks. Allen and I had a big arguement about Jenna and Alecs and I guess Allen's known about the whole Holly thing for a while. It started out just little things that drop hints and then that leads to a confrontation which leads to yelling. I yelled at him about being in the restaurant with Jenna on Saturday and he yelled back "Well, Holly, why don't you just go bitch about it with your best friend Alecs then? You can listen to your stupid fucking song while you whine," and then he walked out the door.
I feel like shit. I feel like a horrible person for ever betraying Allen like I did. At first everything was good, and then somehow it ended up like nothing we ever did for eachother was good enough. I think he hates me now and that just makes me cringe.
I miss him like crazy, but I'm not sure I love him. The arguement tonight brought up a lot of things, and I had a lot of time to think. I realised that I don't feel the same way now that I did a year ago. I hate that we've grown apart and I just want to fix it! I HATE LIVING LIKE THIS!!!
i miss him